Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jog

Home again. Sort of. Hopefully not for long.

My family and I went back to Boise, Idaho to let our daughter meet her relatives. We got most of the important ones. I'm sorry that she didn't get to meet the more distant relatives but time was all too short.

Our daughter broke down on the plane ride back. We got her soothed eventually - although not without some grumpy comments from our fellow passengers. The second she was in the car in the airport parking lot she started smiling, cooing and generally being her happy little self. Thanks kid. Too bad they'll never know how awesome you really are.

One thing that always strikes me about my family is how defeatist they are. None of them are willing to take a risk to profit. None of them realise how little they have to lose - pretty much just their lives. Most of them have very little happiness or fun. They live their lives with a grim determinism.

I wasted five years of my prime walking with demons brought on by mental illness. I suffered from severe debilitating depression. My wife, friends and strangers on the internet helped me to cast those demons out and I emerged with an understanding - I have a choice to live or die.

I understand now that living is more than subsistence, more than finding the cheapest way one can tolerate. Living includes the pursuit of happiness. It is pursuit which makes living worthwhile.

The value of my life is solely up to me. If I choose not to value my life, then I can underachieve my way through everything, resenting that no one will give two shits about what I am or what I do. I'd rather be dead than go that path again. Because I am a coward and can not easily take my life, the choice becomes singular and obvious.

In our consumerist society, pursuit is not encouraged. Instead we are taught to rely on some higher power to provide happiness. Religion, WalMart or Television - you just can't be happy with out it. Well, I can.

I realise it's always easy to make these kinds of observations about others especially when one's own fortunes are favourable.